Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
