Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just want nice things and good sex
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
