I'm going to jail i love you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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