Your face is a jimmy john
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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