dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
