I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
