Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
