apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
