Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
