I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
