Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
