Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
