stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
