Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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