My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
