First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
