Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
