Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
