had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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