I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
