I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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