why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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