She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize