Quick, to the slutcave!
i think i have two assholes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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