the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm like, not good at living.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
