remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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