Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
