i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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