Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
