you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
