I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can tuck mytits in my pants
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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