i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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