Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
