My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's never too late to be topless.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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