Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
