i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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