Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
