Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
