Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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