She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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