my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
