I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
