I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
