As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
