"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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