if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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