awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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