as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
