Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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