Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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