wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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