brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
