you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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