His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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