I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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