Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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