Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
