my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize