when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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