He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
