Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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