I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize